What Do We Say to a Newly Red-Pilled Parent?
Your suggestions, please
The person on the other end of the phone had a story like so many I’ve heard: divorce, distress, a kid in therapy, a trans identity, and the parent-child bond stretched and stressed. Slowly, the parent begins to realize that the professionals they’ve been trusting don’t seem to have what’s best for the family in mind; rather, they seem to be teaching the child that the family can’t be trusted.
The day before I talked to this parent, I had interviewed Dr. Julia Mason, who spoke about Paul Wheaton’s Eco-Scale.
It measures where you are on the ladder of environmental awareness, and if you’re at a 1—you buy organic apples on occasion—it’s going to be very hard to chat with someone at level 7, who has dedicated his or her entire career to saving our earth. Talking to someone one or two levels ahead of you will pique your interest. Talking to someone many levels ahead will make you think they’re nut job conspiracy theorists and shut that interest down. You’ve got to meet someone at their level.
So I was careful. I told her that she had probably been told to ignore her instincts, but that she shouldn’t. And that I didn’t want to scare her or sound like an alarmist, but that she should prepare for some painful awakenings, and needed support. I suggested PRODGK, GDSN, and PITT (as well as an overview I wrote a while back—though I’ve learned so much since then). But I’d like to hear from some of you who’ve been through this before about what helped when you were first waking up.
The day after I talked to this parent, I had the distinct pleasure of hearing Emily Yoffe, editor at The Free Press, speak with Abigail Shrier about her new book, BAD THERAPY: Why the Kids Aren’t Growing Up. I couldn’t help thinking about how therapy has led some people in my own family to treat me as if I don’t belong in it, and how much I have tried in the past few years to build community and resilience, rather than continually mine my painful past. (Speaking of community: Thank you so much to the heretics of Portland, OR! It was great to hang out.)
How can we help this parent build a community of support that will help her as she awakens?
Comments open.
The Gender A Wider Lens podcast helped me immensely. Blocked and Reported also helped me because even though it's not all about gender it showed me I could question my "progressive brethren" without giving up everything I have believed previously. Also, Sasha Ayad's parent membership group has been invaluable. Not only for Sasha's sage wisdom but I have met other parents through that group that have become true long-lasting "irl" friends. I could not have navigated the past three years without that support system.
It's just a metaphor for understanding how to talk to someone who is far away ideologically. I found it very helpful.