Doesn't surprise me about your friends. The hatches have been battened down everywhere, largely thanks to the New York Times. In my life, people who may have been a little bit open to my perspective are no longer. Since Trump, more have cut me off for my TERFy views on social media and on my Substack list, even though I largely do not wr…
Doesn't surprise me about your friends. The hatches have been battened down everywhere, largely thanks to the New York Times. In my life, people who may have been a little bit open to my perspective are no longer. Since Trump, more have cut me off for my TERFy views on social media and on my Substack list, even though I largely do not write about this issue--they know I have in the past. I have one super liberal LA artist friend who actually engaged with me early on about gender, who actually watched the early documentaries and read the articles, who came to the same conclusions about this medical scandal and the assault on women's rights. She battled her (smart, successful, NY city) millennial aged kids about it a bit, and then decided to tune out for a few years as it was just too hard. Recently she reached out to say that she wanted to talk about gender again, as she is reacting with shock and horror to the executive orders (and everything else Trump and Elon are doing). She quoted one of the EAs: "there are two sexes," and said, "but that is just not true!" She has been talking to people in her life, and her views have shifted back to something that includes this belief, that there are not just two sexes. I don't know what good a conversation can be when she can quote some scientists pushing back against the EA and I can just quote others. (Although at least I have Richard Dawkins.) The good news, for me, is that our love and friendship are solid. Being lifelong lefties who have good communication skills developed as part of that culture and who have room for respectful difference is something I am grateful for. I told her we can talk about it, yes, I will hear what she thinks and why, yes--later, when I have the bandwidth. I have a few other dear friends who I never got through to, who also did not cut me off. Until the election, I was hopeful they would eventually wake up. My hope is now entirely shattered. I am unwilling to further risk those precious friendships by talking more about this, when I have no hope of getting through. If I had a trans id-d kid or was a detransitioner, it would probably be impossible to remain friends, but I have realized that I need friends. I wish someone would write about this incredibly alienating experience for liberals in this fight who are like me, who are genuinely horrified about many of Trump's actions, even as I largely agree with the EAs on gender. I did my part to ensure he was not elected, including trying to get through to Democrats for many years so they would not lose so miserably because of this issue. I am sorry to report that this climate has entirely shut me up.
Yeah, that's tough (wrt "That's just not true!"). Have you tried saying "there are other things than the two sexes... but they're not _sexes._" Sure, there are people with disorders of sexual development, or peculiar genetic profiles, but those aren't different sexes, they're coding errors on the way to the same two sexes.
I'm an introvert, so I haven't actually lost friends by believing in reality, but my son has, and it's pushed him away from liberals. Luckily, the people who get all holy trans on me are the same people swanning about in keffiyahs and praising Hamas, so I already don't talk to them. When I talk about the issue, I try not to focus on the X/Y, but on the obligation we men have to accept men who express themselves differently, including feminine men. Free to be you and me, innit? Focus on the upside, maybe now we can have a gay/straight alliance but for real.
Good suggestion for phrasing it when we do get around to the chat, thanks! I like "coding errors on the way to the same two sexes" line. With this friend, she will hear me and listen carefully. Not a flouncy keffyah-wearer. After writing my initial comment I realized that there is a difference in generations between people over 50 or so and those younger. So being in the older camp, I'm lucky that way perhaps, and it may account for the fact that (some friends) can still love and accept me, even as they think I am terribly wrong on this issue, and vice versa. We older progressives did not come of age in an extreme social justice warrior environment. Many of my friends have accepted the basic tenets of these ideologies--but that all evolved later in their lives so it's not as hard wired in the same way. They are also wiser because some people get wiser with age.
Doesn't surprise me about your friends. The hatches have been battened down everywhere, largely thanks to the New York Times. In my life, people who may have been a little bit open to my perspective are no longer. Since Trump, more have cut me off for my TERFy views on social media and on my Substack list, even though I largely do not write about this issue--they know I have in the past. I have one super liberal LA artist friend who actually engaged with me early on about gender, who actually watched the early documentaries and read the articles, who came to the same conclusions about this medical scandal and the assault on women's rights. She battled her (smart, successful, NY city) millennial aged kids about it a bit, and then decided to tune out for a few years as it was just too hard. Recently she reached out to say that she wanted to talk about gender again, as she is reacting with shock and horror to the executive orders (and everything else Trump and Elon are doing). She quoted one of the EAs: "there are two sexes," and said, "but that is just not true!" She has been talking to people in her life, and her views have shifted back to something that includes this belief, that there are not just two sexes. I don't know what good a conversation can be when she can quote some scientists pushing back against the EA and I can just quote others. (Although at least I have Richard Dawkins.) The good news, for me, is that our love and friendship are solid. Being lifelong lefties who have good communication skills developed as part of that culture and who have room for respectful difference is something I am grateful for. I told her we can talk about it, yes, I will hear what she thinks and why, yes--later, when I have the bandwidth. I have a few other dear friends who I never got through to, who also did not cut me off. Until the election, I was hopeful they would eventually wake up. My hope is now entirely shattered. I am unwilling to further risk those precious friendships by talking more about this, when I have no hope of getting through. If I had a trans id-d kid or was a detransitioner, it would probably be impossible to remain friends, but I have realized that I need friends. I wish someone would write about this incredibly alienating experience for liberals in this fight who are like me, who are genuinely horrified about many of Trump's actions, even as I largely agree with the EAs on gender. I did my part to ensure he was not elected, including trying to get through to Democrats for many years so they would not lose so miserably because of this issue. I am sorry to report that this climate has entirely shut me up.
Yeah, that's tough (wrt "That's just not true!"). Have you tried saying "there are other things than the two sexes... but they're not _sexes._" Sure, there are people with disorders of sexual development, or peculiar genetic profiles, but those aren't different sexes, they're coding errors on the way to the same two sexes.
I'm an introvert, so I haven't actually lost friends by believing in reality, but my son has, and it's pushed him away from liberals. Luckily, the people who get all holy trans on me are the same people swanning about in keffiyahs and praising Hamas, so I already don't talk to them. When I talk about the issue, I try not to focus on the X/Y, but on the obligation we men have to accept men who express themselves differently, including feminine men. Free to be you and me, innit? Focus on the upside, maybe now we can have a gay/straight alliance but for real.
Good suggestion for phrasing it when we do get around to the chat, thanks! I like "coding errors on the way to the same two sexes" line. With this friend, she will hear me and listen carefully. Not a flouncy keffyah-wearer. After writing my initial comment I realized that there is a difference in generations between people over 50 or so and those younger. So being in the older camp, I'm lucky that way perhaps, and it may account for the fact that (some friends) can still love and accept me, even as they think I am terribly wrong on this issue, and vice versa. We older progressives did not come of age in an extreme social justice warrior environment. Many of my friends have accepted the basic tenets of these ideologies--but that all evolved later in their lives so it's not as hard wired in the same way. They are also wiser because some people get wiser with age.