What Both Sides Can Agree On

Notes from a Braver Angels workshop

BROADview's Last Minute Chronika/New Year’s Sale!

Happy Chronika and Merry New Year! If you subscribe to an annual or founding membership before the new year, it comes with a free 45-minute or 1.5-hour Zoom chat with me, respectively—and a 20% discount. (If you were a founding member before I offered this benefit, and want to partake of it, that Zoom goes for you, too!)

And now: to a message of hope for 2025.

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A few weeks ago, I attended a workshop by the depolarization group Braver Angels called Finding Common Ground: Better Care Options for Gender Questioning Youth. There were two sides searching for that common ground: those in favor of a moratorium on “gender-affirming care” for minors, and those opposed to one. The major requirement for participation was being “willing to listen to the other side, speak with respect to the other side, and work hard to find common ground.”

I want to think of myself as someone able to summon that willingness, whether I am or not.

I told organizers I could join either side. What I had to say wouldn’t lead me to just one conclusion. I could argue in favor of a moratorium, because it makes complete sense to, um, hit the pause button and collect any data on young people who’ve undergone psychological and medical gender transition—a moratorium isn’t synonymous with a ban. And if no one is going to properly regulate youth gender medicine, then a moratorium is a natural next step.

But I could also argue against a moratorium, in favor of the creation of strict guidelines by medical associations based on evidence, data, and anecdotes of those who’ve been helped and hurt. Those offerings should lead to the same place: an understanding this field is based on an interpretation of childhood gender nonconformity, wrapped in a misunderstanding about gender identity, fortified in censorship, and rolled into a medical scandal. (I will explain what I mean in detail in my upcoming book.)

Anyhoo, I ended up on the pro-moratorium side. That was fine.

Each side listed our values. Our concerns. Our suggested policies and remedies.

Here’s what the points of agreement looked like:

Here’s what we couldn’t agree on:

I won’t go into who attended, or why people objected to these ideas, for privacy reasons. But I can report that it was great that we could veto assertions or ideas or policies that we felt discomfort with, and were offered the chance to explain ourselves, but didn’t have to. And it was great that those who’d suggested those assertions or ideas or policies were offered the chance to give more context, but didn’t have to. We weren’t trying to convince one another of anything. We were trying to figure out where we overlapped.

Some of you who’ve become die-hard sex-based realists may object to “It is legitimate to be a trans person.” Transsexuals exist, regardless of what drove them to transition. In the everlastingly prescient words of Nina Paley: Sex is real. People are weird. Others of you believe that it’s okay for some kids to transition, and might have preferred that #1 from the policies and remedies section had stayed. Also, what constitutes “gender-questioning youth”? What’s “care”? There are so many questions to ask about the questions themselves.

To me, what mattered wasn’t crafting a perfect document, but making sure that “true believers” heard me—and making sure I heard them.

Look, that’s really, really hard to do when I believe that most people supporting youth gender-affirming care neither have all the facts, nor an understanding of how they came to accept ideas like “gender identity” as fact. It’s hard to do when people don’t weight the harm done against whatever benefit they’re witnessing or claiming. Or, as I randomly wrote in my notebook yesterday: Hard to believe that the pain this has caused some people is worth anybody’s joy or comfort.

Every once in a while I’m walking down the street and I stop in the middle of the sidewalk and say, to whoever’s with me, “Are we cutting the breasts off of depressed teenage girls? That’s really happening?” Even harder to understand is the Left’s insistence on continuing to support it, despite, well, evidence, data, and anecdotes.

It was uncomfortable, sad, and painful to listen to those true believers. And I’m so glad I did. I’m committed to listening to and incorporating a diversity of voices. If you have a story to tell, from a perspective you don’t think I’m giving credence to, drop me a line and let me know.

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Happiest holidays to you all. Yesterday, I saw a baby zebra nursing. Sex is real. Animals are amazing.