I wrote a whole thing, but then my trusted advisor confirmed my instincts to hold off, so I’m just keeping the title. I have been feeling some shame—and a lot of other unpleasant feelings!—especially since my kids’ school canceled the talk I love to give. A whole post on it when it’s far enough in the past. Goddamned feelings. Time to take a deep breath and say, “This is a moment of suffering.”
In good news, the normally standoffish cats, Elizabeth Taylor and Larry Fortensky (which do you think is which?), have several times willingly snuggled. Hallelujah!
I'm sorry to hear that you're not doing well, Lisa. You've been a brave, sane speaker of truths through this crazy era that we're in now, and your voice and mind are so needed. I keep falling into bottomless pits of anxiety (because my precious barely adult daughter is medicalizing), and your words bring me some hope that the world will someday embrace reality once again.
Lisa, please know you are cherished--first off by those two magnificent, and magnificently named, cats! But also by me, and Josie, and I am sure everyone here. Your school is Meshuggeneh, is all I can say. We will all just keep our shoulder to the wheel to get folks to come to their senses and cherish you as much as we do, which is what you have earned and so richly deserve.
Sorry to hear that you’ve been down lately. I’ve been feeling that way, too. I try to remind myself that there have been bright spots this year. For me, meeting you at Genspect was definitely a bright spot!
The conference inspired me to keep plugging away.
Also, after that I put a quote from Winston Churchill (I think) on my fridge. It says, “If you’re going through hell, keep going.”
Lisa, hang in there! Haven't connected w/you since the earlier FAIR days, but you're a major heroine in my book. Have the greatest respect for your courage and fortitude. Don't despair. Sending you a fist-bump in solidarity! /Dean Draznin
I got drunk at my bookclub Christmas party and started talking about how great the Genspect conference was... told them about Phil and that whole thing.. I’m sure they were all like WTF?? If you aren’t in it, you just aren’t IN it.
Hey, we're all rootin' for you out here! That's the thing about being talented and effective on the front lines: all that draws fire from the snipers. And there are often a great many of those "Killers with Kindness" nested throughout the bureaucracy of our local schools . . . which those of us, like you, with school-aged children and no viable alternatives for educating them, must face throughout the year . . . Not fair, but what is these days? Judging from the photo, you're doing what I would do, and if I were there, I'd be bringing you a bowl of ice cream and a really good fiction book (a selection of fantasy novels, cleverly written with piercing-but-humanity-loving insights cunningly woven into every sentence . . . Try one from Terry Pratchett's Discworld series . . . I'd be delighted to point you to the ones I love. ) Virtual hugs! H
The gray one is Elizabeth Taylor?? Does she have violet eyes?
I'm so sorry for your down time. I was feeling that way last week. Ruminating in a state of shame. I had finally decided to get back into yoga after a 3 year absence. Found a great new place by my house and the first class was amazing. The second class (different teacher).....asked us to go around the class, introduce ourselves and give our pronouns (in a room of about 9 obvious females). My brain went completely offline and I just seethed the whole class. And then couldn't help myself from speaking to the teacher after class. I told her how declaring my pronouns to a room full of strangers made me uncomfortable, because ... ifot;hirowhn;liuofewuqoio32mkl2nioi8gn1.....total word salad fell out of my mouth for what felt like 10 minutes. And she looked at me, so very confidently, like "you poor poor misguided conservative soul". And also she said she would consider how asking that may make someone uncomfortable. So maybe it's a win?? But my presentation was a -7 and I have been beating myself up crazy about it. Also I'm SO angry that anyone would ask for pronouns in a fucking yoga class where NO ONE speaks to anyone else??!! It was all a mindfuck for a few days. Distance is a wonderful thing. But I don't reckon I'll be going back to this yoga studio that I was so happy to find, for a minute. (I'm sure this does not at all compare to your struggle. You put yourself out there so bravely on the daily - albeit a million times more eloquently than most of us - you're bound to get kicked in the teeth sometimes. I'm truly sorry....and so very grateful for your guts!)
The good news, and I'm sure I'm late to this....but I just found out about the new(?) group Democrats for an Informed Approach to Gender. https://www.di-ag.org/
I hope this as good of news as it feels to me now! I figured something like this had to come along eventually! It feels like a giant step towards a world of sanity.
I hope distance from your pain will help you as much as this week feels so much better to me than the last. Time really does heal. And you are one of my all time favorite voices on this subject. You have been from the first read and you never disappoint. Sending a big warm hug. The true heroes of humanity are usually only seen in the rear view mirror. Your day is coming.
I’m feeling particularly negative today too. I recall that movie -The Way we Were with Barbara Streisand and her megaphone. She just couldn’t stop, like many of us.
I am sorry you had to deal with a negative situation at your children's school. I sure appreciate your courage and hope this is just a brief time for you to rest, appreciate yourself and know you are appreciated by many.
Good news: I found a counselor for my ROGD daughter who does therapy without pushing political or social movements. This is quite rare in my blue state. She also understands some things about developmental psychology and adolescence, something that is lacking in the affirmative model. Hang in there. We will win.
Sorry to hear that you are struggling and wise of you to reach out to friends and community. You are doing tremendously important and challenging work in the world. There will always be ebbs and flows in your energy and confidence levels, so take some time to rest and veg out. Thank you so much for all that you do!
"Change always involves a dark night when everything falls apart. Yet if this period of dissolution is used to create new meaning, then chaos ends and a new order emerges."
Margaret Wheatley
(Most schools seem to have gone bonkers. This too shall pass.)
I just got through a work call and got some consensus to scrap an initiative to add more identity synthesis/genderqueer content into a program. The folks could see that it would likely be alienating to the main mission. That’s my small win of the day. Hope you feel better soon.
You have helped me in so many ways. Lisa. Your courage in speaking the truth, asking the inconvenient questions, and validating the grief of parents has helped me get through each day. Eventually the truth will be out. Eventually the fad will be seen for what it is: a fraud and a cult. Hang in there, keep doing your good work.
I am so sorry to hear that you're not doing so well Lisa. Your Substack continues to be a beacon of light for me in the darkness of my daughter's wrong-sex identification (I'm trying to use that term instead of trans). The fact that your school cancelled your event really sucks and to me it shows that your message is getting out and landing with people, even though your school leadership isn't ready to hear it or deal with the consequences of you sharing it in a room packed with parents who have been conditioned by the school and wider culture to accept a bunch of polite lies about gender but who may be harboring some doubts. Your talk would have given those parents license to air those doubts, generating all manner of headaches for the administration. I imagine many were looking forward to hearing what you had to say and hope that they will find their way to this Substack. Sending warm vibes and wishes for the holidays. Enjoy your cats and your family xxxx
Hi Lisa, my good news is that I can now think about, talk about and be confronted with gender nonsense without falling apart to the point of spiraling into negativity and anxiety. It's not much but feels like great progress. The bad news is that I still need these skills to navigate the world.
I just borrowed a Terry Pratchet novel, Raising Steam (nothing came up under Disc World, but hopefully this will do the trick), and hope it will be pleasant and human confirming.
Elizabeth Taylor on the right? Cats are so very wonderful.
Thursday is the Solstice, the longest night of the year. It's always a time for me to process hard feelings and come out the other side with a renewed sense of purpose and direction. Never easy, but like you say, 'this is a moment of suffering," and it all goes better (eventually!) with that simple acknowledgement. For me it's been tough health issues and slow progress understanding them. I bought myself a beautiful piano a few days ago to help me heal through music creation in a new way. That has been such a joy. Last night I dreamed I was trying to play it and Brad Pitt was in the dream. He told me he loved my voice. And I said, "well, you are Brad Pitt and a great actor, so how could I trust that?" I was teasing, but even when Brad Pitt gives me a compliment, it's hard for me to let it in!
Lisa, I feel you. Ugh, feelings. But you have the absolute right attitude: this is a moment of suffering. And from suffering (some say *only* from suffering) can come great joy and great wisdom.
Good news: I continue to discover people who share my concern and distaste for all things "identity-based", and now this group includes my own teen daughter. Well, actually she became skeptical of the current "correct" way of thinking a while ago, but she continues to surprise me with her astuteness and her willingness to share her thoughts with me. This is the kid who desisted (for now she is the only one among her friends, I am sad to say) after three years of identifying as trans. Many in her generation are sick and tired of being asked how they identify, they loathe the drama associated with all of this, and they see the horrifying effects of dividing the world into "good people" and "bad people" playing out in their schools and universities after the October Hamas attack. She gives me fresh hope every day.
Hang in there Lisa, and keep speaking out. We're all with you, and those of us who can are speaking out as well.
Saw a photo of my 20-year-old cousin who now goes by a masculine name--was pleased to see she had returned to her natural hair color, was wearing regular clothing, had not grown whiskers or biceps, and still has breasts. Crossing fingers and hoping.
I went to a holiday party and didn't feel compelled to talk about my ROGD daughter the whole time. Only once -- I needed to educate a college professor who has teenagers at home....
Echoing the admiration and appreciation expressed here already: thank you, Lisa, for so, so much - and hang in there. I've been hearing myself telling people that this year's short dark days feel shorter and darker to me. The light will come.
Sorry to hear you had a down day. I had one last week, well, honestly every day is a down day parenting an ROGD kid these days. On the upside, I had a big breakthrough in my art making and think I’ve found a way to reach the masses with a broad yet approachable take on all of this nonsense, around the silencing of people to hear countering views. How conversations have become challenging and just aren’t happening anymore, at our peril. I ran it by two artist friends who have no stake in this mess and it resonated with them. I’ve spent the last two years trying to find a way to make work about this, one where my daughter could look at it and not immediately think I’m speaking about her. I think she could actually agree with me about it. A way in!
You are so appreciated by us all!! You are a hero!! Keep fighting the good fight! (And also, take care of yourself and take a break when you need it- it is an exhausting thing to be immersed in).
The petitions in California to get medical treatment of children restricted...trying to get it on the ballot... if you are California resident!
Here they are! found it! You have to download and print it. It is a petition so others can sign, but it looks like there is a date at the top (top funders) which has to be current?
Good news from Alberta, Canada in early November. The United Conservative Party members overwhelmingly passed a motion requiring parental consent if a child under the age of 16 wishes to use a different name or pronoun at school. While non binding, the politicians are surely listening and it was the largest turnout out an AGM in the party’s history!
This mirrors legislation recently passed in neighbouring province, Saskatchewan.
Premier Danielle Smith, in a speech to her party delegates, promised to fight the feds and build Alberta, but got the loudest applause when she promised to keep parents in control of their child’s education. “I want every parent listening today to hear me loud and clear: parents are the primary caregivers and educators of their children,” Smith said to sustained applause from almost 3,800 delegates at the United Conservative party’s annual meeting in Calgary.
There is momentum building in Alberta and people are mobilizing against the madness.
Hope you’re able to take a break and rest up with your cats. Stay strong. You’re doing amazing work and have so many people behind you!
I'm sorry to hear that you're not doing well, Lisa. You've been a brave, sane speaker of truths through this crazy era that we're in now, and your voice and mind are so needed. I keep falling into bottomless pits of anxiety (because my precious barely adult daughter is medicalizing), and your words bring me some hope that the world will someday embrace reality once again.
"First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win”
‘This is a moment of suffering.’
I hear it and I feel it.
This is a wise way to get through dark feelings.
Sending a huge dose of gratefulness to you Lisa.
Grateful for your presence and for your work.
I’m really sorry that you are having a hard time. Those cats are gorgeous. I love the names. Hoping you are feeling better soon.
Lisa, please know you are cherished--first off by those two magnificent, and magnificently named, cats! But also by me, and Josie, and I am sure everyone here. Your school is Meshuggeneh, is all I can say. We will all just keep our shoulder to the wheel to get folks to come to their senses and cherish you as much as we do, which is what you have earned and so richly deserve.
Hey Lisa,
Sorry to hear that you’ve been down lately. I’ve been feeling that way, too. I try to remind myself that there have been bright spots this year. For me, meeting you at Genspect was definitely a bright spot!
The conference inspired me to keep plugging away.
Also, after that I put a quote from Winston Churchill (I think) on my fridge. It says, “If you’re going through hell, keep going.”
Keep going indeed.
Lisa, hang in there! Haven't connected w/you since the earlier FAIR days, but you're a major heroine in my book. Have the greatest respect for your courage and fortitude. Don't despair. Sending you a fist-bump in solidarity! /Dean Draznin
I got drunk at my bookclub Christmas party and started talking about how great the Genspect conference was... told them about Phil and that whole thing.. I’m sure they were all like WTF?? If you aren’t in it, you just aren’t IN it.
Hey, we're all rootin' for you out here! That's the thing about being talented and effective on the front lines: all that draws fire from the snipers. And there are often a great many of those "Killers with Kindness" nested throughout the bureaucracy of our local schools . . . which those of us, like you, with school-aged children and no viable alternatives for educating them, must face throughout the year . . . Not fair, but what is these days? Judging from the photo, you're doing what I would do, and if I were there, I'd be bringing you a bowl of ice cream and a really good fiction book (a selection of fantasy novels, cleverly written with piercing-but-humanity-loving insights cunningly woven into every sentence . . . Try one from Terry Pratchett's Discworld series . . . I'd be delighted to point you to the ones I love. ) Virtual hugs! H
The gray one is Elizabeth Taylor?? Does she have violet eyes?
I'm so sorry for your down time. I was feeling that way last week. Ruminating in a state of shame. I had finally decided to get back into yoga after a 3 year absence. Found a great new place by my house and the first class was amazing. The second class (different teacher).....asked us to go around the class, introduce ourselves and give our pronouns (in a room of about 9 obvious females). My brain went completely offline and I just seethed the whole class. And then couldn't help myself from speaking to the teacher after class. I told her how declaring my pronouns to a room full of strangers made me uncomfortable, because ... ifot;hirowhn;liuofewuqoio32mkl2nioi8gn1.....total word salad fell out of my mouth for what felt like 10 minutes. And she looked at me, so very confidently, like "you poor poor misguided conservative soul". And also she said she would consider how asking that may make someone uncomfortable. So maybe it's a win?? But my presentation was a -7 and I have been beating myself up crazy about it. Also I'm SO angry that anyone would ask for pronouns in a fucking yoga class where NO ONE speaks to anyone else??!! It was all a mindfuck for a few days. Distance is a wonderful thing. But I don't reckon I'll be going back to this yoga studio that I was so happy to find, for a minute. (I'm sure this does not at all compare to your struggle. You put yourself out there so bravely on the daily - albeit a million times more eloquently than most of us - you're bound to get kicked in the teeth sometimes. I'm truly sorry....and so very grateful for your guts!)
The good news, and I'm sure I'm late to this....but I just found out about the new(?) group Democrats for an Informed Approach to Gender. https://www.di-ag.org/
I hope this as good of news as it feels to me now! I figured something like this had to come along eventually! It feels like a giant step towards a world of sanity.
I hope distance from your pain will help you as much as this week feels so much better to me than the last. Time really does heal. And you are one of my all time favorite voices on this subject. You have been from the first read and you never disappoint. Sending a big warm hug. The true heroes of humanity are usually only seen in the rear view mirror. Your day is coming.
I’m feeling particularly negative today too. I recall that movie -The Way we Were with Barbara Streisand and her megaphone. She just couldn’t stop, like many of us.
I am sorry you had to deal with a negative situation at your children's school. I sure appreciate your courage and hope this is just a brief time for you to rest, appreciate yourself and know you are appreciated by many.
Good news: I found a counselor for my ROGD daughter who does therapy without pushing political or social movements. This is quite rare in my blue state. She also understands some things about developmental psychology and adolescence, something that is lacking in the affirmative model. Hang in there. We will win.
Sorry to hear that you are struggling and wise of you to reach out to friends and community. You are doing tremendously important and challenging work in the world. There will always be ebbs and flows in your energy and confidence levels, so take some time to rest and veg out. Thank you so much for all that you do!
Great cats! Hang in there Lisa
"Change always involves a dark night when everything falls apart. Yet if this period of dissolution is used to create new meaning, then chaos ends and a new order emerges."
Margaret Wheatley
(Most schools seem to have gone bonkers. This too shall pass.)
“This is a moment of suffering” -- good insight.
Still sucks, though. I’m sorry, Lisa.
I just got through a work call and got some consensus to scrap an initiative to add more identity synthesis/genderqueer content into a program. The folks could see that it would likely be alienating to the main mission. That’s my small win of the day. Hope you feel better soon.
You have helped me in so many ways. Lisa. Your courage in speaking the truth, asking the inconvenient questions, and validating the grief of parents has helped me get through each day. Eventually the truth will be out. Eventually the fad will be seen for what it is: a fraud and a cult. Hang in there, keep doing your good work.
I appreciate your vulnerability. We are in this together. These moments pass and we can emerge renewed.
I am so sorry to hear that you're not doing so well Lisa. Your Substack continues to be a beacon of light for me in the darkness of my daughter's wrong-sex identification (I'm trying to use that term instead of trans). The fact that your school cancelled your event really sucks and to me it shows that your message is getting out and landing with people, even though your school leadership isn't ready to hear it or deal with the consequences of you sharing it in a room packed with parents who have been conditioned by the school and wider culture to accept a bunch of polite lies about gender but who may be harboring some doubts. Your talk would have given those parents license to air those doubts, generating all manner of headaches for the administration. I imagine many were looking forward to hearing what you had to say and hope that they will find their way to this Substack. Sending warm vibes and wishes for the holidays. Enjoy your cats and your family xxxx
Hi Lisa, my good news is that I can now think about, talk about and be confronted with gender nonsense without falling apart to the point of spiraling into negativity and anxiety. It's not much but feels like great progress. The bad news is that I still need these skills to navigate the world.
I just borrowed a Terry Pratchet novel, Raising Steam (nothing came up under Disc World, but hopefully this will do the trick), and hope it will be pleasant and human confirming.
Sending love and admiration.
I am very sorry, Lisa.
You have many fans out here in GC Land.
It is getting frightening out there (regarding the propaganda, the suppression of information).
But doesn't that mean that the small leaks of truth are frightening the trans medical complex?
Hmm, female cats tend to be more standoffish. The orange kitty has a queenly mien.
I wish you some time away with your family, time away from the news cycle.
Elizabeth Taylor on the right? Cats are so very wonderful.
Thursday is the Solstice, the longest night of the year. It's always a time for me to process hard feelings and come out the other side with a renewed sense of purpose and direction. Never easy, but like you say, 'this is a moment of suffering," and it all goes better (eventually!) with that simple acknowledgement. For me it's been tough health issues and slow progress understanding them. I bought myself a beautiful piano a few days ago to help me heal through music creation in a new way. That has been such a joy. Last night I dreamed I was trying to play it and Brad Pitt was in the dream. He told me he loved my voice. And I said, "well, you are Brad Pitt and a great actor, so how could I trust that?" I was teasing, but even when Brad Pitt gives me a compliment, it's hard for me to let it in!
Lisa, I feel you. Ugh, feelings. But you have the absolute right attitude: this is a moment of suffering. And from suffering (some say *only* from suffering) can come great joy and great wisdom.
Good news: I continue to discover people who share my concern and distaste for all things "identity-based", and now this group includes my own teen daughter. Well, actually she became skeptical of the current "correct" way of thinking a while ago, but she continues to surprise me with her astuteness and her willingness to share her thoughts with me. This is the kid who desisted (for now she is the only one among her friends, I am sad to say) after three years of identifying as trans. Many in her generation are sick and tired of being asked how they identify, they loathe the drama associated with all of this, and they see the horrifying effects of dividing the world into "good people" and "bad people" playing out in their schools and universities after the October Hamas attack. She gives me fresh hope every day.
Hang in there Lisa, and keep speaking out. We're all with you, and those of us who can are speaking out as well.
Good news from the UK...
https://www.telegraph.co.uk/columnists/2023/12/19/new-school-guidance-beginning-of-end-of-trans-lunacy/
You have many readers who appreciate your work!
Saw a photo of my 20-year-old cousin who now goes by a masculine name--was pleased to see she had returned to her natural hair color, was wearing regular clothing, had not grown whiskers or biceps, and still has breasts. Crossing fingers and hoping.
I went to a holiday party and didn't feel compelled to talk about my ROGD daughter the whole time. Only once -- I needed to educate a college professor who has teenagers at home....
Echoing the admiration and appreciation expressed here already: thank you, Lisa, for so, so much - and hang in there. I've been hearing myself telling people that this year's short dark days feel shorter and darker to me. The light will come.
Sending ❤️ your way‼️
Sorry to hear you had a down day. I had one last week, well, honestly every day is a down day parenting an ROGD kid these days. On the upside, I had a big breakthrough in my art making and think I’ve found a way to reach the masses with a broad yet approachable take on all of this nonsense, around the silencing of people to hear countering views. How conversations have become challenging and just aren’t happening anymore, at our peril. I ran it by two artist friends who have no stake in this mess and it resonated with them. I’ve spent the last two years trying to find a way to make work about this, one where my daughter could look at it and not immediately think I’m speaking about her. I think she could actually agree with me about it. A way in!
You are so appreciated by us all!! You are a hero!! Keep fighting the good fight! (And also, take care of yourself and take a break when you need it- it is an exhausting thing to be immersed in).
((((hugs))))
Fergawdsakes, listen to your cats: animals KNOW things, and their cuddles are trying to tell you that you are right, and have been right all along.
The new rogd paper!!
The petitions in California to get medical treatment of children restricted...trying to get it on the ballot... if you are California resident!
Here they are! found it! You have to download and print it. It is a petition so others can sign, but it looks like there is a date at the top (top funders) which has to be current?
Protectkidsca.com
So appreciate your substack columns here. Keeps me grounded on the days that are overwhelming.
Alas. Still oppressed, silenced, misjudged, heartbroken, dreading the holidays... Thank you for trying💐
Hi Lisa.
Good news from Alberta, Canada in early November. The United Conservative Party members overwhelmingly passed a motion requiring parental consent if a child under the age of 16 wishes to use a different name or pronoun at school. While non binding, the politicians are surely listening and it was the largest turnout out an AGM in the party’s history!
This mirrors legislation recently passed in neighbouring province, Saskatchewan.
Premier Danielle Smith, in a speech to her party delegates, promised to fight the feds and build Alberta, but got the loudest applause when she promised to keep parents in control of their child’s education. “I want every parent listening today to hear me loud and clear: parents are the primary caregivers and educators of their children,” Smith said to sustained applause from almost 3,800 delegates at the United Conservative party’s annual meeting in Calgary.
There is momentum building in Alberta and people are mobilizing against the madness.
Hope you’re able to take a break and rest up with your cats. Stay strong. You’re doing amazing work and have so many people behind you!
Take care.
Life sucks, but keep fighting the good fight. I'm not a cat person, but I'd guess Liz is the orange one.