I am reminded by this lovely, meditative post of my own constant sense of dislocation, as if I live in two different worlds at once, when those with whom I am coming in contact live in only one. Those all too few moments when the worlds are bridged feel like a miracle, and perhaps they are.
Not long ago, I had lunch with two friends from university. I like them both a lot, value their friendship, and wanted us all to have a carefree time. I didn’t want to disturb this by bringing in information from the other universe in which I live, so I promised myself I would not discuss “troublesome” topics.
And then, as I sometimes do, I found a small way in, despite it all. I told my friends a story of talking with a candidate for office. The candidate and I were discussing the issue of allowing trans-identified males (my language, decidedly not his), into women’s prisons, the problems that creates, and how those problems might best be resolved. As I recounted this story to my to friends, they were astounded, first, that anyone should think it was OK for men, no matter how they identified, to be placed in women’s prisons, and then they quickly set to work on thinking about the issue of men who, because of their status (trans-identified, gay, etc.), might be in danger when mixed in the general male population and how best to resolve that in another way. We had a good discussion about that, once the parameters were defined.
It was such a relief, and at the same time, I wondered all over again, given how easy this was, why it is that, most of the time, it is impossible to have conversations like this.
An epic film to share: telling how sudden "trans identitification" of a husband falls out for the wives and children of the men with new personae, Behind the Looking Glass @ Lime Soda Films channel. Surprisingly hopeful at the end, as we in the older generation of trans widows strategize recovery, this film is already seen 55k times, garnering "corrections" from the narcissistic men. I block them from my channel--they usually start obsequiously, to quickly become threatening. It's been reposted to various X and substack blogs, to great acclaim, except for the "personae dudes." Helen Joyce, Lisa Marchiano and Derek Jensen join in the commentary, interspersed between the 2 dozen trans widows' tales, a few children of, such as Emma Brynn, originator of the website Children of Transitioners, and Vaishnavi's spare comments about her process. Later on, Vaishnavi Sundar, the auteur, promises she'll release the raw footage of the interviews--at least of those of us who felt secure enough to appear on screen.
Well done you! I think we CAN have these conversations—but we must choose our conversation partners carefully. Do they tolerate disagreement or not? Do they believe that other opinions are legitimate, or not?
I’m a fan of the one-on-one conversation as a way to reach people. Some will write us off as bigots, but others will allow maybe a tiny crack in their previous beliefs, admit there are logical problems with TRA politics, etc.
After a lot of wrong turns, I’ve come upon this, and it seems to work, knock wood, as you can better gauge what can be taken in. While I shouldn’t be so surprised, I still find it astonishing how many of my friends know absolutely nothing of what is happening. My biggest worry right now, as I am in New York, is how to get across to folks that they must vote against Prop 1.
I was born and raised in San Francisco and this hit a nerve. I moved away in my mid-40s but the poor parking used to drive me crazy. We had to shift, as you do in New York. And I was always careful to leave the maximum room but I too would come home at 2:00 in the morning to find my neighbor taking up three spaces. Not leaving enough in front or behind his car for anybody. 20 years later I still obsess over parking. We were with friends in a foreign country recently and every time he found a parking spot I would complement him and tell him he must have pleased the parking Gods. I know this isn't the topic of this Substack but my friends and family think my parking obsession is kind of weird and I think that it gets so ingrained in you that even though I live in a place where parking isn't difficult it triggers something from the first 40 years of my life. I guess that is my parking identity.
You need a stack of flyers with "LEARN TO PARK" on one side, "STOP TRANSING KIDS" on the other. Tuck them under windshields.
"Learn to Park" on one side, "Learn to Think" on the other
I am reminded by this lovely, meditative post of my own constant sense of dislocation, as if I live in two different worlds at once, when those with whom I am coming in contact live in only one. Those all too few moments when the worlds are bridged feel like a miracle, and perhaps they are.
Not long ago, I had lunch with two friends from university. I like them both a lot, value their friendship, and wanted us all to have a carefree time. I didn’t want to disturb this by bringing in information from the other universe in which I live, so I promised myself I would not discuss “troublesome” topics.
And then, as I sometimes do, I found a small way in, despite it all. I told my friends a story of talking with a candidate for office. The candidate and I were discussing the issue of allowing trans-identified males (my language, decidedly not his), into women’s prisons, the problems that creates, and how those problems might best be resolved. As I recounted this story to my to friends, they were astounded, first, that anyone should think it was OK for men, no matter how they identified, to be placed in women’s prisons, and then they quickly set to work on thinking about the issue of men who, because of their status (trans-identified, gay, etc.), might be in danger when mixed in the general male population and how best to resolve that in another way. We had a good discussion about that, once the parameters were defined.
It was such a relief, and at the same time, I wondered all over again, given how easy this was, why it is that, most of the time, it is impossible to have conversations like this.
No, they will not accept the compromise. They will keep fighting until their dying breaths. Not an inch. I compare them to Hamas and Isis.
An epic film to share: telling how sudden "trans identitification" of a husband falls out for the wives and children of the men with new personae, Behind the Looking Glass @ Lime Soda Films channel. Surprisingly hopeful at the end, as we in the older generation of trans widows strategize recovery, this film is already seen 55k times, garnering "corrections" from the narcissistic men. I block them from my channel--they usually start obsequiously, to quickly become threatening. It's been reposted to various X and substack blogs, to great acclaim, except for the "personae dudes." Helen Joyce, Lisa Marchiano and Derek Jensen join in the commentary, interspersed between the 2 dozen trans widows' tales, a few children of, such as Emma Brynn, originator of the website Children of Transitioners, and Vaishnavi's spare comments about her process. Later on, Vaishnavi Sundar, the auteur, promises she'll release the raw footage of the interviews--at least of those of us who felt secure enough to appear on screen.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Frffv2sB8zE
Well done you! I think we CAN have these conversations—but we must choose our conversation partners carefully. Do they tolerate disagreement or not? Do they believe that other opinions are legitimate, or not?
I’m a fan of the one-on-one conversation as a way to reach people. Some will write us off as bigots, but others will allow maybe a tiny crack in their previous beliefs, admit there are logical problems with TRA politics, etc.
After a lot of wrong turns, I’ve come upon this, and it seems to work, knock wood, as you can better gauge what can be taken in. While I shouldn’t be so surprised, I still find it astonishing how many of my friends know absolutely nothing of what is happening. My biggest worry right now, as I am in New York, is how to get across to folks that they must vote against Prop 1.
the way you write these off-topics (like your co-op volunteer hours) is so charming and personable. love it!
Lisa, you are doing a fine job keying these lazy-parked gender ideology cars :)
I was born and raised in San Francisco and this hit a nerve. I moved away in my mid-40s but the poor parking used to drive me crazy. We had to shift, as you do in New York. And I was always careful to leave the maximum room but I too would come home at 2:00 in the morning to find my neighbor taking up three spaces. Not leaving enough in front or behind his car for anybody. 20 years later I still obsess over parking. We were with friends in a foreign country recently and every time he found a parking spot I would complement him and tell him he must have pleased the parking Gods. I know this isn't the topic of this Substack but my friends and family think my parking obsession is kind of weird and I think that it gets so ingrained in you that even though I live in a place where parking isn't difficult it triggers something from the first 40 years of my life. I guess that is my parking identity.
I shared this on my Facebook page and it got deleted as “spam.”
That makes me sad.