On Gratitude

Photo by Lina Trochez on Unsplash

Dear readers,

Gratitude has always been elusive for me. For most of my life, I adopted the strategy of “expect the worst and you’re more likely to be pleasantly surprised.” The problem was: I was miserable while waiting for the pleasant surprise, and whenever it came, I knew it wasn’t permanent, that I couldn’t rely on it, or that I didn’t deserve it. I did not know how to exult when things were good. Even now, whenever I experience delight in my beautiful children, or the community I’ve found via speaking up and speaking out, I’m instantly certain that something terrible will happen. After suffering from suicidal depression for several decades, I am afraid of happiness, even as I experience it.

In the wake of several mass shootings in the last week, including one at the LGBTQ club in Colorado Springs, I want to take this moment to acknowledge and lament the horror of gun violence and political polarization in our country. But I also want to exult in the community we’ve created, and the support we’ve shown each other, and the changing media narrative that more accurately represents the experiences of kids with gender distress and their families. Those concerned about how we are treating these kids are a diverse group. They include liberals and conservatives, young and old, trans and gay and lesbian and gender nonconforming and people who are none of those things. I’m grateful for the community we have, and for more people speaking up.

I believe deeply in the normalcy of gender nonconformity, and that we are struggling to find ways to support it in this country. Thanks for being with me while I try to tell that story.

I know a lot of families are suffering right now. Those that believe in and value gender-affirming care are terrified at the thought of losing it. Those hurt by it are terrified for themselves or their children. I hope all of you can have a happy Thanksgiving.

Lisa