This was so moving. Thank you, “Emma”, for your bravery in sharing your story, in being willing to speak up. And thank you, Lisa, for finding Emma and giving her an outlet.
At the end, Emma advises parents to take bold action in an effort to remove their trans-identity focused kids from an affirming environment. The deeper dug in a kid is, the bolder that action will need to be. Unfortunately, many families are not prepared, able, or willing to take bold action, and the older the child the more complicated it gets. Nor can a therapist, no matter how gender exploratory or critical, pull your child out of a system of belief and behavior that is a defense against completely falling apart and that is also reinforced by the culture at large. The best a therapist can do is therapy that avoids reinforcing the gender delusion.
I am disheartened by everything that has happened to you Emma. Starting with the fact that no one bothered to ask you the right questions, and to make you stop and really think about why you wanted to transition in the first place. Kids, even those in their late teens and twenties rarely have the patience to wait and understanding of the long-term consequences of actions that are permanent. And transitioning is permanent, leaving changes that can never be fully undone, especially once you go down the road of making physical changes, whether through pharmaceuticals or through surgery.
But more than that, I am saddened and angered that the trans community treats detransitioners such as yourself so poorly. Transition is an intensely personal decision. A journey you make alone, is how I think about it. Detransitioning is the same, and you'd think people who have gone through it would understand that. You transition because something tells you that you are not right the way you are. Deciding that you were wrong when you made that decision then doesn't make you a threat or someone to hate. It makes you human. And in need of some understanding, and some care, not vitriol.
I hope you can recover physically and emotionally from what you have been through. And wish that you didn't have to.
Don't let the bastards get you down. You are doing what's right for you, and that is all that matters.
And thank you Lisa, for giving her a place to share this.
Thank you both so much for this. I'm sorry about the terrible treatment you got, Emma, and grateful for your discussion of how it felt at the time and how it appears now. Take care!!!
Thank you both. Emma, the thoughts you were expressing near the end about what you would do if your child said they are having gender issues is exactly what so many of us parents have thought when our kids came out to us. I hope that now that we know about this, we can forewarn our youngest children so they are less vulnerable to the ideology. Good luck to you, especially as you embark on the tumultuous journey of motherhood. Lisa, the project you mention where you get gender affirming clinicians to listen to detransitioners' stories sounds so worthy! I hope with all my heart that these doctors can be shaken at least a little bit off their certainty. Please let us know how it's going!
"There are a shocking number of girls in these detrans groups asking if their breasts will grow back after top surgery. Does that sound like they got informed consent if they think that they can grow their breasts back after top surgery? To me, it doesn't."
1/ No, if there is even one case of a patient - of any age - not having been informed that breasts will not grow back after a mastectomy, I'd say that was not informed consent - and, arguably, that the omission of this fact was medical malpractice.
2/ The anecdotal claim that "there are a shocking number of girls in these detrans groups asking if their breasts will grow back" - a statement cited by Ms. Davis in the article intro - will have to be supported by evidence if it is ever to persuade people outside 'the choir' of concerned voices so that it can lead to a bill stipulating exactly what 'informed consent' must include.
3/ Demonstrating just how often this question is asked should be easy enough, given how much 'conversation' is on internet - conversation that surely must include the above "detrans groups."
4/ No, OBVIOUSLY quantifying exactly how many top surgery patients are never told this - or who are INADEQUATELY informed of it due to the reticence of physicians or mental health care workers who fear getting in trouble for underscoring the irreversability of a mastectomy - WILL NOT SOLVE the problem' of the culture that generates this shocking spike in female adolescents presenting as trans. It will be only one piece of evidence adduced - evidence that - alongside other critiques - may contribute to persuading a range of concerned communities.
5/ But - again - to contribute to the persuasion of those who are not already 1000% persuaded and enraged and ready to be 'set off' by this anecdotal claim...you can't rely entirely on the shock value of this anecdote to change minds...as, in its present form, this article does.
This was so moving. Thank you, “Emma”, for your bravery in sharing your story, in being willing to speak up. And thank you, Lisa, for finding Emma and giving her an outlet.
At the end, Emma advises parents to take bold action in an effort to remove their trans-identity focused kids from an affirming environment. The deeper dug in a kid is, the bolder that action will need to be. Unfortunately, many families are not prepared, able, or willing to take bold action, and the older the child the more complicated it gets. Nor can a therapist, no matter how gender exploratory or critical, pull your child out of a system of belief and behavior that is a defense against completely falling apart and that is also reinforced by the culture at large. The best a therapist can do is therapy that avoids reinforcing the gender delusion.
I am disheartened by everything that has happened to you Emma. Starting with the fact that no one bothered to ask you the right questions, and to make you stop and really think about why you wanted to transition in the first place. Kids, even those in their late teens and twenties rarely have the patience to wait and understanding of the long-term consequences of actions that are permanent. And transitioning is permanent, leaving changes that can never be fully undone, especially once you go down the road of making physical changes, whether through pharmaceuticals or through surgery.
But more than that, I am saddened and angered that the trans community treats detransitioners such as yourself so poorly. Transition is an intensely personal decision. A journey you make alone, is how I think about it. Detransitioning is the same, and you'd think people who have gone through it would understand that. You transition because something tells you that you are not right the way you are. Deciding that you were wrong when you made that decision then doesn't make you a threat or someone to hate. It makes you human. And in need of some understanding, and some care, not vitriol.
I hope you can recover physically and emotionally from what you have been through. And wish that you didn't have to.
Don't let the bastards get you down. You are doing what's right for you, and that is all that matters.
And thank you Lisa, for giving her a place to share this.
Thank you both so much for this. I'm sorry about the terrible treatment you got, Emma, and grateful for your discussion of how it felt at the time and how it appears now. Take care!!!
Thank you both. Emma, the thoughts you were expressing near the end about what you would do if your child said they are having gender issues is exactly what so many of us parents have thought when our kids came out to us. I hope that now that we know about this, we can forewarn our youngest children so they are less vulnerable to the ideology. Good luck to you, especially as you embark on the tumultuous journey of motherhood. Lisa, the project you mention where you get gender affirming clinicians to listen to detransitioners' stories sounds so worthy! I hope with all my heart that these doctors can be shaken at least a little bit off their certainty. Please let us know how it's going!
"There are a shocking number of girls in these detrans groups asking if their breasts will grow back after top surgery. Does that sound like they got informed consent if they think that they can grow their breasts back after top surgery? To me, it doesn't."
1/ No, if there is even one case of a patient - of any age - not having been informed that breasts will not grow back after a mastectomy, I'd say that was not informed consent - and, arguably, that the omission of this fact was medical malpractice.
2/ The anecdotal claim that "there are a shocking number of girls in these detrans groups asking if their breasts will grow back" - a statement cited by Ms. Davis in the article intro - will have to be supported by evidence if it is ever to persuade people outside 'the choir' of concerned voices so that it can lead to a bill stipulating exactly what 'informed consent' must include.
3/ Demonstrating just how often this question is asked should be easy enough, given how much 'conversation' is on internet - conversation that surely must include the above "detrans groups."
4/ No, OBVIOUSLY quantifying exactly how many top surgery patients are never told this - or who are INADEQUATELY informed of it due to the reticence of physicians or mental health care workers who fear getting in trouble for underscoring the irreversability of a mastectomy - WILL NOT SOLVE the problem' of the culture that generates this shocking spike in female adolescents presenting as trans. It will be only one piece of evidence adduced - evidence that - alongside other critiques - may contribute to persuading a range of concerned communities.
5/ But - again - to contribute to the persuasion of those who are not already 1000% persuaded and enraged and ready to be 'set off' by this anecdotal claim...you can't rely entirely on the shock value of this anecdote to change minds...as, in its present form, this article does.