Just knowing that you were there, and remained there without being shown the door, and that the people who could listen did listen.... this brings tears of relief this morning. Infinite thanks to this group!
Tears in my eyes reading this. Amazing job to all of you. The bravery in particular of those on your team who’ve detransitioned and are willing to share their stories — they’re so young and it’s so personal — is especially extraordinary. ❤️🙌
(I too have trouble summoning curiosity for the incurious. 😂)
We need to start challenging the people who refuse to listen, who come at our stories with everything from immature, emotionally disregulated anger (the young person flipping you off at a professional conference - such immature, embarrassing behavior), to those averting their eyes and running (no more running, make them go on record saying why they don't want to hear this), to the smarmy, smirking people who have re-packaged the behavior of the person flipping you off into polished, professional cruelty. I can have some sympathy for the immature, emotionally disregulated young person in the middle of transitioning and their inappropriate behavior, but not the doctors. They cannot be allowed to keep running away with their fingers in their ears and their eyes closed or hiding behind their polished cruelty.
Although I have great disrespect for plaintiff's lawyers, they represent the best way to disrupt the current system of "gender affirming care". Pediatricians, pediatric endocrinologists, and children's hospitals need to be sued with demands of adopting the European current restrictions.
This is a beautiful, eloquent piece, Lisa, and hopeful. Applause and grateful thanks to all who participated. You are doing the hard and good work of changing minds, one person at a time. Yes there are people who likely aren’t reachable, but each one who is will have the capacity to reach another. Not bad for someone who says of herself, “I’m not an activist. I have no marketing genes. I can’t sell. But I am a professional explicator and momsplainer.” And now, I am all ears to hear about your lunch with Kara Dansky!
Thank you! To my CTA teacher colleagues I continue to try to explain detransitioners and the connection between gender affirming educators and psychologists and medical harm down the road. I was able to host Laura last month for WDI and I met with Richard last night, a detransitioner who is suing Kaiser here in California. The work of creating curiosity, awareness, and righteous anger has never been so complex. This new generation of walking wounded must prevail in their efforts to open our eyes, and I will support them.
Thank you! Wow, what a report. As a parent of a trans identified teen, I’m saddened to hear that it was the parents who were the most bought in, but not surprising. I’m in disbelief by the guy who said he needed to ‘disengage’. Give me a break! To say that in front of four detranstioners, beyond heartless and naive. I’m sure they would have wanted to do the same but they can’t now. I highly recommend the book ‘The Identity Trap’ by Yascha Mounk. It goes a long way in explaining most people’s behavior who fall in line with the madness. https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/712961/the-identity-trap-by-yascha-mounk/
It makes so much sense to me that it would be affirming parents that would be the most reactive. They went down a road they believed would be best for their child. Some of them may have been originally coerced into it with the "Would you rather have a dead daughter or a live son?" question/threat. If they now have to confront the fact that they may have made the worst mistake of their and their child's life - ? Challenges to the ethics of affirmative care are literally an existential threat to these parents. I feel both intense compassion for them, as well as intense anger. Their reactions are very human; but their actions may be promoting a model of care that will hurt countless other people. We have not even begun to reckon with the harm that has already been done,;but it is coming. Nothing would make me happier than to be wrong about that, but I don't think I am.
I have a suspicion that something I might call parental obsession has set in with all too many parents in the past, oh, 30 years or so.
I have a sister who is *deeply* enmeshed with her younger son, essentially adopting all of his likes/dislikes, changing political and religious views, etc. He can do no wrong, in her eyes, and his children can even less than no wrong.
The son and his loony wife, previously nonbelievers, began attending an extreme fundamentalist Christian church about four years ago, and instantly became viciously "faithful" supporters of the church's "quiverful, man-is-the-head-of-the-house" philosophy, cutting off and canceling countless family members and former friends who did not toe their new, rigid religious line. The wife judged, criticized and boasted on social media constantly about how God lives in the church, how grateful she was for seeing the light, and so on.
Fast forward to a few weekends ago. The couple's two older boys (both under 10) allegedly cornered a 6-year-old at the church day care, took off his pants, teased and touched him without his consent.
INSTANTLY, the parents' line changed, and when they were approached by church officials (I have zero truck with this abusive, asshole church, just to be clear), they immediately left and began pronouncing how it wasn't "God's house" and the like.
In other words, rather than look at their children's behavior, they insisted that the entire church they bragged was the "true, godly" church just 15 minutes ago, was wrong.
And guess what? My sister immediately adopted the same view. So now the adults are marching around indignantly, declaring this quite-recently "holy" church (it's not; it SUCKS) to be the work of the devil.
That's what I mean by extreme parental obsession. I suspect many parents of trans kids suffer from it.
That is a horribly broad generalization. I’m sorry you went through this but please don’t make assumptions like this about all parents of trans kids, that is incredibly shallow thinking.
I specifically wrote: I suspect many parents of trans kids suffer from it.
So, not asserting all, by any means. I do not tar all trans parents with the same broad brush; having grown up and lived in some of the country's most liberal enclaves, I know numerous families that have been affected by this, and I've seen them handle the situation in numerous ways.
Also, I have no data to back up my suspicion, which is why I used "suspect" rather than something stronger.
"What should I do so I can ensure this doesn’t happen to my patients?”
Don't send them to a gender clinic. Gender clinics are designed to medicalize kids. Send them to geta. Tell parents to read Stella and Sasha's book and Grossman's.
I hope you keep chipping away at that iceberg of ignorance. For every person whose eyes you open, they might open the eyes of another and so on and so on.
What unbelievable courage you all displayed!!! Thank you, especially, to the detransitioners who are willing to put themselves out there - sharing your stories is the single most valuable thing that can be done to reach people! You are heroes!
As I'm reading your article, I'm thinking about a book I'm listening to, "Don't Ever Split the Difference", by Chris Voss. It was mentioned on a podcast by Peter Boghossian. The techniques may be helpful for future conversations. After all, I feel we are dealing with a hostage situation trying to even have a conversation. While his examples are geared towards hostages and business, he says they can also help in parenting. I quickly perused his website to see if he had any posts specific to parenting and found none. I did find a post on LGBTQ+, so it appears he's pro T.
Just knowing that you were there, and remained there without being shown the door, and that the people who could listen did listen.... this brings tears of relief this morning. Infinite thanks to this group!
Tears in my eyes reading this. Amazing job to all of you. The bravery in particular of those on your team who’ve detransitioned and are willing to share their stories — they’re so young and it’s so personal — is especially extraordinary. ❤️🙌
(I too have trouble summoning curiosity for the incurious. 😂)
I’m a pediatrician who attended the meeting but didn’t realize you were there. I would have hugged all of you.
We need to start challenging the people who refuse to listen, who come at our stories with everything from immature, emotionally disregulated anger (the young person flipping you off at a professional conference - such immature, embarrassing behavior), to those averting their eyes and running (no more running, make them go on record saying why they don't want to hear this), to the smarmy, smirking people who have re-packaged the behavior of the person flipping you off into polished, professional cruelty. I can have some sympathy for the immature, emotionally disregulated young person in the middle of transitioning and their inappropriate behavior, but not the doctors. They cannot be allowed to keep running away with their fingers in their ears and their eyes closed or hiding behind their polished cruelty.
Although I have great disrespect for plaintiff's lawyers, they represent the best way to disrupt the current system of "gender affirming care". Pediatricians, pediatric endocrinologists, and children's hospitals need to be sued with demands of adopting the European current restrictions.
This is a beautiful, eloquent piece, Lisa, and hopeful. Applause and grateful thanks to all who participated. You are doing the hard and good work of changing minds, one person at a time. Yes there are people who likely aren’t reachable, but each one who is will have the capacity to reach another. Not bad for someone who says of herself, “I’m not an activist. I have no marketing genes. I can’t sell. But I am a professional explicator and momsplainer.” And now, I am all ears to hear about your lunch with Kara Dansky!
Thank you! To my CTA teacher colleagues I continue to try to explain detransitioners and the connection between gender affirming educators and psychologists and medical harm down the road. I was able to host Laura last month for WDI and I met with Richard last night, a detransitioner who is suing Kaiser here in California. The work of creating curiosity, awareness, and righteous anger has never been so complex. This new generation of walking wounded must prevail in their efforts to open our eyes, and I will support them.
Thank you! Wow, what a report. As a parent of a trans identified teen, I’m saddened to hear that it was the parents who were the most bought in, but not surprising. I’m in disbelief by the guy who said he needed to ‘disengage’. Give me a break! To say that in front of four detranstioners, beyond heartless and naive. I’m sure they would have wanted to do the same but they can’t now. I highly recommend the book ‘The Identity Trap’ by Yascha Mounk. It goes a long way in explaining most people’s behavior who fall in line with the madness. https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/712961/the-identity-trap-by-yascha-mounk/
It makes so much sense to me that it would be affirming parents that would be the most reactive. They went down a road they believed would be best for their child. Some of them may have been originally coerced into it with the "Would you rather have a dead daughter or a live son?" question/threat. If they now have to confront the fact that they may have made the worst mistake of their and their child's life - ? Challenges to the ethics of affirmative care are literally an existential threat to these parents. I feel both intense compassion for them, as well as intense anger. Their reactions are very human; but their actions may be promoting a model of care that will hurt countless other people. We have not even begun to reckon with the harm that has already been done,;but it is coming. Nothing would make me happier than to be wrong about that, but I don't think I am.
I have a suspicion that something I might call parental obsession has set in with all too many parents in the past, oh, 30 years or so.
I have a sister who is *deeply* enmeshed with her younger son, essentially adopting all of his likes/dislikes, changing political and religious views, etc. He can do no wrong, in her eyes, and his children can even less than no wrong.
The son and his loony wife, previously nonbelievers, began attending an extreme fundamentalist Christian church about four years ago, and instantly became viciously "faithful" supporters of the church's "quiverful, man-is-the-head-of-the-house" philosophy, cutting off and canceling countless family members and former friends who did not toe their new, rigid religious line. The wife judged, criticized and boasted on social media constantly about how God lives in the church, how grateful she was for seeing the light, and so on.
Fast forward to a few weekends ago. The couple's two older boys (both under 10) allegedly cornered a 6-year-old at the church day care, took off his pants, teased and touched him without his consent.
INSTANTLY, the parents' line changed, and when they were approached by church officials (I have zero truck with this abusive, asshole church, just to be clear), they immediately left and began pronouncing how it wasn't "God's house" and the like.
In other words, rather than look at their children's behavior, they insisted that the entire church they bragged was the "true, godly" church just 15 minutes ago, was wrong.
And guess what? My sister immediately adopted the same view. So now the adults are marching around indignantly, declaring this quite-recently "holy" church (it's not; it SUCKS) to be the work of the devil.
That's what I mean by extreme parental obsession. I suspect many parents of trans kids suffer from it.
That is a horribly broad generalization. I’m sorry you went through this but please don’t make assumptions like this about all parents of trans kids, that is incredibly shallow thinking.
I specifically wrote: I suspect many parents of trans kids suffer from it.
So, not asserting all, by any means. I do not tar all trans parents with the same broad brush; having grown up and lived in some of the country's most liberal enclaves, I know numerous families that have been affected by this, and I've seen them handle the situation in numerous ways.
Also, I have no data to back up my suspicion, which is why I used "suspect" rather than something stronger.
My apologies for not being more clear.
Point taken.
"They were afraid to broach the subject with colleagues or administrators" - this is how cults become religions.
Warriors, all of you.
So grateful that you all were there and this mama’s love goes out to the detransitioners.
"What should I do so I can ensure this doesn’t happen to my patients?”
Don't send them to a gender clinic. Gender clinics are designed to medicalize kids. Send them to geta. Tell parents to read Stella and Sasha's book and Grossman's.
I hope you keep chipping away at that iceberg of ignorance. For every person whose eyes you open, they might open the eyes of another and so on and so on.
Splendid AND Horrible. I read with genuine interest your accounting of the motley crews adventure at AAP. Wow! Just Wow!
Wonderful!!!!!!!!!!! Thank you for doing this, from the bottom of my heart!
What unbelievable courage you all displayed!!! Thank you, especially, to the detransitioners who are willing to put themselves out there - sharing your stories is the single most valuable thing that can be done to reach people! You are heroes!
As I'm reading your article, I'm thinking about a book I'm listening to, "Don't Ever Split the Difference", by Chris Voss. It was mentioned on a podcast by Peter Boghossian. The techniques may be helpful for future conversations. After all, I feel we are dealing with a hostage situation trying to even have a conversation. While his examples are geared towards hostages and business, he says they can also help in parenting. I quickly perused his website to see if he had any posts specific to parenting and found none. I did find a post on LGBTQ+, so it appears he's pro T.
I wonder if the "affirming" doctors believe that men should one day have "uterine transplants" in order to become "real" mothers?
Of course