A Letter to Schools about Secret Social Transition

By reader request: a template

Hi, all. A reader suggested I write a template that folks could adapt to express their concerns about secret social transition, so I gave it a shot. If you have points you think should be added, please leave in the comments.

—LD

Photo by Raíssa Letícia on Unsplash

Dear XXXXX,

I’m grateful to you for taking such good care of my child. We’ve had many wonderful years here, and I know you have X’s best interests at heart. I also know that many schools, including ours, have adopted policies in the name of inclusivity and support, especially around allowing children to socially transition—to take on the identity of the opposite, or neither, sex. Because the policy does not require parental knowledge or consent, I wanted to share with you some information that has shifted my perspective as to why we should reconsider that position, and include parents. I hope you will read this with an open mind and in good faith, knowing that I, too, have children’s best interests at heart.

I want you to know that I very much agree that gender-diverse kids need and deserve support, and there is research that support may help buffer such kids against depression, anxiety and even suicidal thoughts. The little research we have on kids who transitioned young, and who may have done well after, is on kids in supportive families—that is, the parents were deeply involved in the entire process. We don’t have research on kids who transition and hide it from their parents—with the collusion of other adults—and there is no research that suggests this will be helpful to these kids long- or even short-term. Those who have made the case for the importance of family support never said it’s better for kids with unsupportive parents to hide things from them—rather, the point is to try to help keep the parents and kids connected, even if they have ideological differences. I believe schools should follow that lead, and foster connection, rather than division, within families.

These policies allow children to socially transition at school without parents knowing or consenting, which is often presented as part of protecting the student’s privacy. But the Family Educational Rights and Privacy Act, or FERPA, is designed to help parents protect their own children’s privacy from others; neither in intent nor language does it expressly say that the school should create privacy between children and parents. Because this act violates constitutionally-conferred parental rights, there are now several lawsuits about secret social transition in play. In one case, the school hid not only the child’s gender identity from parents, but a suicide attempt. Social transition does not always make a child feel better, and it’s possible that it can worsen gender dysphoria.

Meanwhile, social transition itself is a complicated subject. Many people today feel that transition, whether social or medical, is a human right for a person of any age, and that those who wish to slow down or even stop the process are bigoted against trans people. I can see how those concerns could be interpreted that way; after all, it seems to suggest that being trans is somehow a worse outcome than not being trans.

However, I believe we should look at this issue differently, and not focus solely on the identity piece, but rather on whether social transition is the best strategy for supporting gender-diverse youth. Social transition has historically been a psychological intervention to treat gender dysphoria—an intervention that medical professionals don’t agree on. An article in the Journal of Adolescent Health noted, “No consensus exists whether to use these early medical interventions.” Social transition was “Relatively unheard-of 10 years ago,” according to a 2019 paper, which notes that “early-childhood social transitions are a contentious issue within the clinical, scientific, and broader public communities.”

In addition, a large body of earlier research indicates that the vast majority of children who experience early-onset gender dysphoria will grow out of it during puberty, and the majority of those who do will be gay—but only if they’re not socially transitioned. A small cohort of those with consistent and extreme distress did go onto medicate. Though some describe social transition as a completely reversible intervention, more recent research suggests that social transition could greatly increase the likelihood of medical transition, which has all kinds of serious bodily effects, from impacts on hearts to a shortened life span. That is, social transition is not a neutral act, but a serious psychological treatment. If there are interventions—like, say, therapy and family support—that could preclude the need for invasive and drastic treatment later, shouldn’t those be fully explored?

These times are so fraught, and this subject is so difficult to talk about. But I fear that in our zeal to protect vulnerable kids, we may be edging out important information and evidence that would allow us to do just that. I hope you’ll consider what I’ve sent you here, and would love to discuss how the school will support parents’ right to be informed about their children's gender issues, should they arise. I've got quite a bit more evidence and information, and I'd love to meet with you and any other officials to chart the fairest, most evidence-based and supportive policies for students and their families.

Thanks,

Concerned Parent