Trying to Get the Whole Story Is Hard and Unpleasant Because Your Head Explodes
Listen to this. Then watch this. Then tell me where you've landed.
When I asked a friend the other day if he’d read Coleman Hughes’ piece on George Floyd in The Free Press, he said, “Don’t tell me. I don’t want to know.”
So many people have said that to me about gender, but I hadn’t heard it yet in relation to Floyd. The sentiment used to infuriate me, but now I get it: if you get the whole story on these complex subjects, instead of the snippet that reinforces your worldview, you’re at risk of that worldview crumbling. The sunlight hurts your eyes when those blinders come off. You begin to look at your tribe as if it’s a collection of willfully ignorant strangers. It’s no fun.
Too bad. You gotta do it anyway. In this era of social media and mis- and disinformation and AI, we must cling to what reality we can.
I asked that hands-over-ears friend to listen to an episode of Jon Ronson’s excellent (but biased toward liberals) podcast series Things Fall Apart about George Floyd, and then watch The Fall of Minneapolis, a biased but informative documentary about his death and the resulting chaos and violence. The most important thing the documentary offers us is the chance to look at the information that the press weeded out.
My friend took me up on the offer, and interestingly, he didn’t experience these two media offerings the way I did. We’re still litigating. So I invite you to listen and watch, in that order. I want to know how the podcast and documentary inform one another and you. Comments will remain open. Report back!
I feel as if there are two aspects to the experience of having your worldview exploded. The first is how it effects you personally. Obviously, once you realize that the media you used to trust/agree with is no longer telling you the truth/stating things you will never believe, you aren't going to look at that media source -- or any other -- the same way.
The second aspect is how a personal change impacts your social circle -- and this is the part where we need to figure out a different way to relate, because the world is not going to get any less confusing or eventful. We are going to have to learn to build and maintain friendships across moral divisions. After years of feeling absolutely broken/enraged/incredulous over the capture of any and all institutions by the cult of cross-sex fantasists, I realized that the only way forward for me was to separate my advocacy from my friendships.
This means that, while I will not disguise my views, I will also not use them as a litmus test on someone's character. Many of us have experienced loss of friendships or social/professional cancellation on this issue, so we know what it is like to be judged in that way. But it does not mean that we have to make that same error of judgment. Good, well-meaning people disagree about important stuff all the time. It is still possible for people who understand the difference between moral action and political opinion to build caring, reciprocal relationships. The problem, in short, is not that we cannot be friends with people who think that men can be women; the problem is that many people think friendship needs to be based on moral purity bullshit rather than reciprocal care and responsibility. Any two people who are capable of rising above the petty level of politics to the real actions and obligations of genuine relationship can interact successfully.
Which is all to say that I don't even make an effort to spread the word about eye-opening media like The Fall of Minneapolis. Because if people are curious what I think, they can ask me; if they are curious what else is out there, they can go look around for themselves. Most people will never question their priors -- I never would have questioned mine had it not been that I was prompted to by a mini-cancellation of my own when I rose to defend a friend. I had no idea what I was stepping in to, so I cannot even take any credit for even the desire to question anything.
It has actually surprised me how not hard it is for most people to be able to respect difference and still be civil -- and even friendly -- with one another. Obviously we are always going to feel comfort when people agree with us, but I think the last few years have proven that the comfort of group-think is not only shallow, but incredibly fragile...
I was listening to the Glen Laury show about the documentary and what these two Black men had to say about it so intrigued me that I stopped that podcast and watched The Fall of Minneapolis immediately. It completely revised my understanding both of Chauvin’s actions on that day and the fact that the fifth precinct was sacrificed to the rioters to save the integrity of the police so they were not seen in riot gear fighting the protesters. In the end that was more important than Chauvin being a scapegoat. It showed me how powerful the mob had become empowered as it was by social media. Then what Glen Laury and John Mcwhorter had to say about police officers targeting Black men being a fabricated narrative was another piece of it. It really made me question everything and made me wonder if all this catering to mob narratives was going to undermine all of our government and social institutions that run things. So our new normal would be akin to the corruption of a banana republic. Corrupted not from the inside but by mob rule fueled by cable TV news and the polarization of a populace trained not to look at any contradicting narratives. It was at that point that I began to wonder if I was going to turn into a Republican.