The Darkness

More light in 2026

Many hours a day, most days, I am rearranging and rewriting stories of unfathomable harm at the hands of liberals like me—people who think that, if our side did it, it must be right. I’m trying to figure out where to put the story about a judge not returning a young, sex-trafficked girl to her parents because they didn’t use her pronouns. What about when the mental hospital wouldn’t let the parents take their daughter home until they agreed to social transition? What about the girl who got a mastectomy at 14, then regretted it, and no medical professionals would help? How about the backhanded way the federal government passed or altered laws and policies that forced the complicity of every American to affirm? What about the scandals and lies and bad research, which The New York Times—my people’s Bible—reports as “the federal government does not recognize even the existence of people whose gender identity does not align with their sex at birth,” not mentioning that what Trump appointees actually said—men cannot become women—is one of the most basic truths about human existence?

What happens when you declare the truth offensive, verboten, or untrue? Darkness. So much darkness, which I worry between my fingers over and over again, because I want to show it to the people who think we’re right, that we’re in the light.

I show up at my morning exercise class where people exchange dismay at the censoriousness of the Trump administration, at how they’re destroying higher education—as if the last ten years never happened, as if we’re not guilty of the same punitive policies. Their lack of self-reflection stuns me anew every time, catapults me back into the darkness.

I get it. Who wants to follow me into the darkness? Denial keeps you in a simulacrum of the light.

Except: I want the real thing, the disinfectant. I’m trying to train sunlight on the real darkness, to make it seen, so that we can change.

Last week, after the Trump administration’s announcement of various ways they plan to deinstitutionalize gender identity and gender-affirming care, I sat at a cafe in Union Station with journalist Brandon Showalter. Brandon was one of the first people I met when I started venturing into the rabbit hole, trying to figure out what was actually happening to young people with gender dysphoria or identifying as trans. It was several years ago now, and we sat outside in a park and talked about what we’d seen. It was one of the most important experiences I’ve ever had, because Brandon—a conservative Christian—was not someone I would have had the opportunity to connect with, were it not for this subject.

There was something so easy about being with him—not just because he exudes kindness, but because our differences were so obvious. I’m a pro-choice atheist, he’s a pro-life theist. There was no need to convince or condemn one another; rather, we could commune over our shared concern and desperate need to expose what we’d learned. We did not dislike each other because we saw the world in different ways.

People I’d been taught to fear or look down on—they’ve shown me such grace. People I’d been taught to see as morally superior by way of their politics: not so much. Looking up from the darkness and then surrounding myself with people who deny the darkness exists—it’s a daily jolt of pain. Five years after descending into the rabbit hole full-time I’m finding it very, very hard.

So my wish for all of us down here is light. More light in 2026. Lightness in our hearts, light on the darkness, levity wherever we can get it.

One thing I’ve decided to do is start a separate project that is only about finding that light. The Midge, as I’m calling it, is for middle-aged ladies, whatever the heck that means, but it’s just happy stuff, and occasional assignments. The first one: go to a bar or restaurant and order a Middle-Aged Lady.

Thank you to all those who’ve supported me this year, who continue to fund me, or encourage me, or forgive me (I’m not always good at getting back to people). Thank you to those who still believe that nuance, viewpoint diversity, open inquiry and free speech are the long-term solutions to the problems that underlie the gender issue—which is a symptom of our polarized society, not the cause. Thank you to those who disagree and push back in comments or notes in a way that I can hear and that causes me to try to do better. Keep it coming in 2026.

Next week will just be one newsy-ish post, and no news round-up this week, as I really need some actual family time, a break from the darkness. To all those families that have been affected by the darkness: I wish you much light in the new year.

PS: If you want to give any gift subscriptions to BROADview, here’s a discount code.

Happy holidays to all. Or at least: tolerable holidays!