Dear Teachers: Please Use Her Legal Name
It's not about ideology; it's about her mental health
Dear [XXX]:
We have gone to great lengths and personal expense to reach an agreement with [SCHOOL NAME] that, for the sake of our daughter’s wellness, she is to be referred to by her legal name (XXX) and female pronouns. We understand that this may strike you as unusual at the least—and possibly unsupportive or politically motivated at the worst. On the contrary, our thoughtfully considered rationale for this directive is tailored to XXX’S clinical presentation and is supported by her mental health team.
XXX presented as transgender suddenly and without warning, with no history of signs or symptoms of gender dysphoria. This identity emerged amid severe psychological turmoil, and only after a long period of close contact with similarly presenting peers in the inpatient mental facilities she had been in. XXX’S presentation is known as “rapid-onset gender dysphoria,” or ROGD. Her presentation is a new and increasingly common phenomenon that vastly differs from cases in which gender dysphoria has been evident since childhood—the classic presentation on which recommendations to affirm are based. In XXX’S case, affirming is neither benign nor neutral, as explained by her treating psychiatrist:
XXX’S “affirmation” practices are an obstacle to XXX’S progress and continued recovery and undermine the recommendations of both her inpatient and outpatient therapists and the wishes of XXX’S parents. For the sake of XXX’S current and future mental and physical health, the “affirmation” of her as anything but a normal female student must stop at once.
The term “social affirmation,” commonly used to describe the approach taken by XXX with XXX, connotes kindness and consideration. But in cases such as XXX’S, involving an emotionally disturbed girl who seeks to escape her biological reality, it is a misleading euphemism: “affirmation” is neither kind nor considerate to XXX. In this letter I therefore place it in quotation marks.
Misrepresenting XXX as male or nonbinary could have dangerous consequences for her mental and physical health. Having reviewed her psychiatric medical records as well as the letters sent to XXX from her previous clinicians, it is my professional judgment that formally or informally identifying XXX as XXX, he/him or they/them puts her recovery at risk of regression to self-harm and could arrest her natural adolescent identity development. In addition, this practice is creating conflicting environments between school and home, adding to XXX’S confusion, and compromising her relationship with her family.
We are aware that XXX reached out to you covertly requesting that you violate our legal agreement; we can appreciate the uncomfortable position this puts you in. It is equally uncomfortable for us to battle the school over this, but we have a responsibility to our daughter. XXX has a stable home life with dedicated and protective parents who love her unconditionally. We have more than earned the right to direct her medical care and have proven ourselves capable in this time and again in the face of extraordinary and often dire circumstances.
We ask for your renewed dedication in respecting and adhering to both the letter and spirit of our legal agreement. If XXX contacts you about this again (verbally or in writing), please direct her to speak with us. In addition, we are always open to answering any questions you may have about our approach.
Sincerely,
XXX